Saturday, March 11, 2006
Them Girls
As long as I'm having this late night/early morning semi-drunken life crisis, I'm going to throw in a Hi Fidelity moment and talk about some ex-girlfriends/crushes/lovers and pinpoint what exactly went wrong and what I learned.
Rachel - Ah yes, Rachel. This was the first girl I ever made out with. I was 14 or 15. She wasn't the prettiest girl on the block. In fact, I was embarrassed that I liked her. I'm kind of disappointed in myself now, because I've seen some recent pictures and she looks pretty damn hot. The problem with this relationship was that I was too worried about what my friends thought about her. I liked the fact that I got to make out with a girl, but she was a grade lower and she wasn't quite up to the standards of a "Brian Girl". This relationship ended with some harsh words at a high school football game where I was pretending I barely knew who she was. What I learned: I care too much about what other people think.
Monica - I never actually had a relationship with Monica. The extent of it was a Thanksgiving Day phone call after I watched an episode of the Simpsons. Monica was my first "perfect girl". I was mesmerized by her. She was so beautiful and I was just so shy. Not quite out of my shell as a freshman in high school. She was one of the popular girls. I don't remember what was said in that phone call, but I lost my nerve and never talked to her much afterward. All kinds of disappointment here.
What I learned: Though this relationship never materialized, it made me think that I could probably get any girl that I wanted.
Crystal - This was the first girl I ever did a little bit more than making out with. This relationship was kind of like that whole Rachel fiasco. It was something new and exciting, but lost its luster very quickly. What I learned: The flesh is weak.
Janel - Janel was the first girl that ever made me cry. She moved away. What followed was a cavalcade of letters, written daily, professing my love and making unfulfilled promises. What resulted was a great friendship that I cherish to this day. What I learned: Friendship is everlasting.
Sarah - Sarah was the disaster that I call my senior year love life. We would break up and get back together over and over. Mostly it was me, liking her one week, then avoiding her the next. It was kind of sad really. Sarah, if you ever read this, I'm sorry. What I learned: If it's broke, don't try to fix it.
Heather - I was madly in love with this girl. So much so that I proposed to her. Looking back I can't imagine what I was thinking. I really do think she is crazy. Some of that was caused by me, but I think most of that was innate and my inability to live up to her expectations was the catalyst for releasing it. This is the only past relationship that I hope I never see again. I'm scared of her. What I learned: Fools rush in.
Essie - This was the first girl to ever break my heart. In a stunning turn of events, she pulled a Brian. That hurt for a long, long time. What I learned: What goes around comes around.
There have been a few indiscretions in between and since but those are all the important ones. Here's to all the future ones.
Rachel - Ah yes, Rachel. This was the first girl I ever made out with. I was 14 or 15. She wasn't the prettiest girl on the block. In fact, I was embarrassed that I liked her. I'm kind of disappointed in myself now, because I've seen some recent pictures and she looks pretty damn hot. The problem with this relationship was that I was too worried about what my friends thought about her. I liked the fact that I got to make out with a girl, but she was a grade lower and she wasn't quite up to the standards of a "Brian Girl". This relationship ended with some harsh words at a high school football game where I was pretending I barely knew who she was. What I learned: I care too much about what other people think.
Monica - I never actually had a relationship with Monica. The extent of it was a Thanksgiving Day phone call after I watched an episode of the Simpsons. Monica was my first "perfect girl". I was mesmerized by her. She was so beautiful and I was just so shy. Not quite out of my shell as a freshman in high school. She was one of the popular girls. I don't remember what was said in that phone call, but I lost my nerve and never talked to her much afterward. All kinds of disappointment here.
What I learned: Though this relationship never materialized, it made me think that I could probably get any girl that I wanted.
Crystal - This was the first girl I ever did a little bit more than making out with. This relationship was kind of like that whole Rachel fiasco. It was something new and exciting, but lost its luster very quickly. What I learned: The flesh is weak.
Janel - Janel was the first girl that ever made me cry. She moved away. What followed was a cavalcade of letters, written daily, professing my love and making unfulfilled promises. What resulted was a great friendship that I cherish to this day. What I learned: Friendship is everlasting.
Sarah - Sarah was the disaster that I call my senior year love life. We would break up and get back together over and over. Mostly it was me, liking her one week, then avoiding her the next. It was kind of sad really. Sarah, if you ever read this, I'm sorry. What I learned: If it's broke, don't try to fix it.
Heather - I was madly in love with this girl. So much so that I proposed to her. Looking back I can't imagine what I was thinking. I really do think she is crazy. Some of that was caused by me, but I think most of that was innate and my inability to live up to her expectations was the catalyst for releasing it. This is the only past relationship that I hope I never see again. I'm scared of her. What I learned: Fools rush in.
Essie - This was the first girl to ever break my heart. In a stunning turn of events, she pulled a Brian. That hurt for a long, long time. What I learned: What goes around comes around.
There have been a few indiscretions in between and since but those are all the important ones. Here's to all the future ones.
