Brian Alone

Are you one of those people with a personal bubble? When people get close, you back away? It's always good to have a comfortable amount of space between you and somebody else, right? I'm one of those people that likes to invade your bubble. And the better I know you or the drunker I am determines how much I invade that bubble. My mama breast fed me for too long or something because I enjoy closeness and personal contact (I really don't know what breast feeding has to do with anything but I felt I haven't talked enough about breast feeding lately or just breasts in general). Most people don't have a problem with it, because I'm so charming, of course. But I figure that in about 10 or 20 years I'll be that creepy old guy that just kind of freaks you out. You know, like the distant middle aged cousin at the family reunion that makes the incestuous advances. "Hey there little cousin, you sure have blossomed into quite the young lady. Mmm hmm, I do say...quite the young lady. Why don't you let Uncle Jimmy show you his RV?"

On the other hand though, I don't always appreciate it when people get too close to my bubble...people who smell, people who talk too loud, funny looking people. One thing that pisses me off is if I'm in the bathroom taking a leak at a stall. And there are three other stalls in the bathroom, but the fat guy who grunts and makes hacking noises while he pees comes and stands at the stall right next to me. Hey, dude there's two other stalls there, why do you have to get so close to me?

If I'm drunk, I have no sense of personal space whatsoever (except when I'm in the bathroom, it's just instinctual not to stand at a stall right next to someone when there's two other perfectly good ones because otherwise that's just weird). Basically, I have no sense at all, but I especially like to put my arm around people, tell them I love them, lick the side of their face, etc. But you know you still love me. And that's cool, because I love you too. You know who you are...