Brian Alone

I think I have mentioned him before. There is this really annoying guy that works at Dillard's. I mean, just very unprofessional and not a good fit for one of this town's upscale stores. When first we met, he tried to tell me that the leather jackets were looking for me. The second time we met, I actually had to make a purchase from him because he was the only customer service representative in the men's department (perhaps I should have taken my purchase to the jewelry department). That time I was buying some swim trunks. He asked me if I was going swimming. No, I just really have this problem with showering naked. Why else would I be buying swim trunks. Then he tried to suggest that orange would be a good color for me. He thinks it's "really cool".

Now, I don't even know why I even go into Dillard's. I don't need to add to my overstuffed closet and I the clothes there are kind of expensive for a poor chap like me. It's just some innate desire to visit all the stores when I go to the mall inherited from my shopaholic mother who often lost me at the mall when I was a preschooler. One time she lost me in JC Penney and I needed to use the bathroom. Young me, having just learned how not to defecate in my pants, found a quiet corner in the store where I proceeded to pull down my trousers and left a little surprise for unsuspecting shoppers. Needless to say, when my mom found me and I told her what I did we left immediately and did not return to that store for a while.

Anyway, back to the point here. I went to Dillard's today. When I got to the men's department I heard that familiar, annoying voice. "What's up, dude?" I tried not to acknowledge him and made a beeline for the shoe department. I figured I could pretend I was looking for some shoes then dash back into the mall when he was preoccupied with bothering some other poor sap. While I was in the shoe department, however, the salesgirl there took notice of me. She introduced herself as Holly though the name tag she was wearing said Kim. Apparently, her managers thought it was more important for her to wear someone else's name tag and confuse everybody rather than risk the chance that people would think the girl in the shoe department asking people if she could help them find anything was not an employee. So, we get to talking and I say, I'm not really actively looking for some new shoes, but it has been a though that has crossed my mind that I need some. Now Holly, I can only assume, went to Shoe College where she earned a PHD in Footwear Science. She could tell me anything I wanted to know about any shoe in the store. And she used big words that I didn't understand. I was all confuddled. I finally picked out a pair of shoes to try on. I think she smelled blood in the water because she came out with four pairs of shoes for me to try on. Doc Marten's, Merrells, brands I've never heard. But they all had one thing in common: expensive. I saw some Skecher's on a table for about half the price of the shoes she was showing me. "Those are less comfortable and aren't very durable." Right! Skechers bad. Expensive shoes good. I came away with two pairs of ugly yet comfortable shoes that are quite stylish, a can of leather spray to protect them from upcoming snowy Idaho weather, and a wallet that was $200 lighter. And she gave me her card and I promised to call her with any future shoe quandaries.

Curse you, annoying men's department guy that forced me into the shoe department!