Brian Alone

I stole this from Sarah...

2011-03-15T17:18:00.001-07:00

List of things to do before I die...

1. Learn how to play any song on a guitar. Preferably a good one.

2. Plant a tree. Any kind. Wait, I take that back. The growing kind.

3. Ride a lawn mower. A sitting one. Drink cheap beer if available.

4. Make a Thanksgiving meal. Deli turkey and Potato Buds may be substituted for turkey's torso and actual potatoes.

5. Learn to surf. Optimally in Australia. Make sure instructor is attractive and has legit accent.

6. Sit at a bonfire all night with friends and watch the sun come up. Again, cheap beer drinking is an option. I did this once but I didn't know the majority of the people there so it wasn't as cool.

7. Take a road trip to nowhere. Just go somewhere. Don't have reservations or plans.

8. Live in a big city. Remember that big is a relative word...

9. Surprise people often. In pleasant ways.

10. Buy new belt.

Are you a Football Fan?

2009-12-06T16:15:00.003-08:00

You can't claim to be a fan of a team that you don't really know anything about.

You have to know who your team's quarterback is. This is the premier position in football. If you don't know who the quarterback of your team is, then you're not really a fan.

You have to be able to name two other people on your team aside from the quarterback. Extra points if you can name a defensive player and an offensive player.

If you can fit the above minimum criteria, I will accept your claim of being a fan of whatever team.

For me to respect you as a fan of a team, you need to meet some extra criteria.

You actually have to watch some the games your team plays. At least turn on Sportscenter for the highlights or follow along on the internet. How can you be a fan if you don't actually follow your team? If your team has a losing record and you still watch every game, extra bonus points.

If you can name all 22 offensive and defensive starters week to week, I respect your fandom. Or you're a fantasy football geek.

If you watch the games of your team's main rival every week and root vehemently against them, I respect that.

There are some teams that people like just because they win year after year or because they like the color of their uniforms.

New England - There are no actual Patriots fans. Just some guys from Boston who need something to do while the Sox aren't playing.

Dallas - If you don't know who Tom Landry is, you're not really a Cowboys fan.

Pittsburgh - If you don't know what the Immaculate Reception is, you're not really a Steelers fan.

San Francisco - If you haven't watched a game since the 90s, you are not a Niners fan.

Oakland - You are ridiculous.

Remember me?

2009-10-27T20:49:00.002-08:00

Has anybody been wondering where I've been? Well you should get a Facebook.

NBA season started tonight. Too many good teams that got better in the off season. Woot!

The Bengals are awesome, period.

It snowed today. Who's ready for some winter? Um, anyone want to give me some new tires?

You know what sucks? Driving an hour to work everyday. Then driving an hour home every night. Boo, driving. Yay beer!

Kool-Aid is still awesome.

Did you vote for Obama? That's not change, that's more of the same.

You know what I missed when our satellite was out? 11pm Jeopardy on GSN. Who doesn't love Alex?

Ashley and I are going to be illegal aliens for Halloween. I need a back pack full of babies, a flannel shirt, the social security card of a deceased 98 year old man, and will use phrases like "Waas Sappening?"

Colsen will be a monkey.

I'm tired. And I have to watch Jeopardy.

Road Rage

2009-05-30T02:44:00.002-07:00

My dad gets some serious road rage when he is behind the wheel. I once was in the car with him when he threatened to run over a pedestrian and made some unkind gestures toward the person. Had traffic not started moving, I think he may have gotten out of the car to throw down.

I, myself, don't really understand road rage. My life doesn't suck so much that I have to take it out on some unsuspecting drivers. I'm generally not in a hurry. I don't use my horn, though I think sometimes I should. My biggest concern when I am driving is filling the time with some quality driving music.

One of my favorite things that happens out on the road is when an impatient driver tailgates then passes me the first chance he/she gets. I see them speed off into the distance ahead. Then I catch up to them at a stop sign or where they are stuck unable to pass another driver moving at a reasonable speed. I'm laughing on the inside thinking about how this person probably wastes a lot more gas than I do with their constant accelerating. Just one of those little wins in life that I count on my imaginary air chalk board.

I drive a Chevy Tahoe. Don't think I feel threatened by you road ragers thinking you can bully me around in your hybrid Honda. You know who you are...

Just calm down. The only thing you can control is yourself and your entire approach to this wonderful activity we call driving. My advice? Turn up the tunes and let Dexy's Midnight Runners cool you down (Come On Eileen = My song of the day). Roll down your window, get some wind in your face, and enjoy the ride.

You know what I hate?

2009-05-05T23:54:00.002-07:00

When I stumble upon an internet video that claims to have some sweet football action and it turns out to be soccer. Lame.

People who don't want Brett Favre to unretire and play again.

When I get a new friend request on Facebook, but it's just somebody that I previously had denied as a friend. No, I'm not going to be your friend. Stop sending stupid requests. I'm not a Facebook whore.

Minute rice. Really? You can't wait for more than a minute for good rice?

Mice. I had to pay $300 for all the wires they ate in my Tahoe. Thanks, mice. I'm glad I have mice hunting cats in my house.

Stupid songs by Kenny Chesney. I like Kenny Chesney for the most part, but every so often he releases a sucky song.

Rum. See previous post.

Advertised "topless" car washes where they don't wash the top of your car. I paid you money now wash my whole car and take your shirt off.

Size D batteries. Really? Size D? Why aren't all batteries the same? Especially camera batteries, what's the deal with those? Or cell phone batteries? What about cell phone chargers? I'm glad I have to buy a new car charger every time I get a new phone. Thanks, cell phone makers.

Cell phone makers. See above.

People who don't like dogs. Or babies. What's wrong with you?

Oscar winning movies. Give me some action. Some comedy. I don't want to watch a movie that I don't understand. Blow something up. Make fart jokes.

GM. Thanks for taking my tax money and using it among other things to pay for someone's car who shouldn't have bought that car in the first place. If they lose their job? Tell them to trade in that brand new car for a 1986 Ford Escort. Something they can afford. Don't make their payments for them.

Riding in airplanes. Mostly because of the motion sickness.

Swine Flu. Stay away from me if you are sick.

Shiraz. Not my favorite wine.

Staying up past my bed time. Good night!

Roughest Nights Out

2009-05-03T18:23:00.002-07:00

I couldn't fill in a top 5 for what I was drinking on my roughest nights ever. I only have 2 nights I consider rough nights.

Night #1 - We were having a little get together at Chris's house. Captain Morgan got started early. By 10pm my night was done. I believe some of you have seen the picture of me on the couch with a bucket. Yeah, that was that night.

Night #2 - This one happened in Oregon with some rum and coke. It was a mini-pitcher. No bucket involved this time, just me on the floor with my head out the door redecorating the back porch.

The aftermath - Puking for most of the next day on both occasions.

Me and rum are no longer friends.

Facebook Addict

2009-05-01T07:57:00.002-07:00

It's my crack. I have been visiting Facebook a lot lately. I even post updates with my phone. I take it with me.

One thing that I really like is that my old high school friends seem to be much more active on Facebook. We have been posting photos and doing a much better job of keeping in touch. It's good to reminisce about the old times.

Then there's all the apps. I'm on my way to getting internet drunk with all the drinks that are getting passed my way.

The quizzes are the most addicting. I can sit here all day and do different quizzes about the 80's, movies, general stuff, etc. Who doesn't love a good quiz about The Smurfs?

And I'm in a band... of merry men... with tights.

The Sex Talk

2009-05-01T06:52:00.002-07:00

I realize this is coming a little early, but everyday I hear a PSA on the radio about talking to your kids about sex. So here it goes. Obviously I will have some time to perfect it, but thought I would get the basics down now. You can never be too prepared.

Son,

Don't start having sex unless you have money to either support a child or buy yourself some antibiotics. I'm not paying for any of that crap. Ok, ok, I might soften up to a grandchild, but you're on your own for antibiotics (you dirty slut).

Don't meet girls to have sex with on Myspace. That's not her picture. In fact, that's probably a man.

Condoms work... most of the time. The chances of the condom breaking grow exponentially with how ugly the girl is. I have created this graph to explain my point:

Never lower your standards. That's what masturbation is for.

Don't watch porn when you're a horny teenager trying to figure out how to do it. This is not sex. This is porn. This doesn't happen in real life. Unless you are a Minnesota Viking.

The first time is quick. Well, most of the time it will be quick, until you figure out what you're doing. And no, that wasn't great for her. It's not all about you. Listen to your partner.

Sex is messy. There are juices and sweat. Take a shower. People can smell that.

The pullout method does not work. That's where you came from.

Yes, sex makes babies. Biologically, that's what it's for.

And the Academy Award goes to...

2009-04-27T09:20:00.002-07:00

I just watched Slumdog Millionaire last night. Why is it that most movies that win the Best Picture Oscar... I don't want to say suck, but... what the hell, they suck. I didn't like this movie. I was expecting to see some poor kid win a million dollars then go spend it like crazy in the slums. Instead, it's about his poor life and how his experiences helped him to know all the answers and all that wrapped around a love story. And then they dance.

I can't say this movie was much worse than any of its competitors this year though. Milk? Hi, I'm Sean Penn and I'm gay. He went full gay in this one, so he didn't win the award. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button? Brad Pitt and all his sexiness doesn't make this movie good. And I have a man crush on Brad Pitt. Frost/Nixon? It has a slash in the title. And do people remember Nixon any more? The Reader? This one I've never even heard of, but since it was nominated here, I'm going to assume it sucks.

And who votes for these movies? I think that partially it's past award winners, right? So basically, people in movies that suck are voting for movies that suck.

What about the Dark Knight? It was the most commercially successful movie of the year... of the millennium so far. It had 8 Oscar nominations, but didn't get a nod for Best Picture? Why the hell not?

I look at the Academy like the Electoral College. A bunch of people that don't think the populace can make the correct decision, so they do their own voting.

Commercials

2009-04-15T01:14:00.002-07:00

You know how tv commercials are supposed to reflect what they are trying to sell to the tv show's target audience?

Apparently, I watch shows meant for horny singles, because I often see commercials for onlinebootycall.com. Sweet. These commercials suck. Content, quality, and product.

How about them Disaronno commercials? The guy's like, today we're going to show you how to make Disaronno on the rocks with lemon. It's Disaronno. On the rocks. With lemon. Pretty complicated. Thanks guy, for enlightening me. Now my dreams of becoming Tom Cruise from Cocktail will some day come true because I know how to make a drink that is apparent how to make from its name.

I saw a commercial for this law firm looking for people who took Advair and had adverse effects. It turns out Advair, a medicine for helping with asthma, actually makes it worse. Sweet. Now if you or a family member took it and suffered a laundry list of symptoms you can call this 1-800 number and join in on the lawsuit. Woot.

On Hulu I often see the University of Phoenix commercials. I am a Phoenix. What I get from this commercial is that I have to be a minority/immigrant single parent whose parent's never got a college education if I want to be successful at the University of Phoenix.

It's my money and I want it now!

I often wish I could get the latest sweet piece of exercise equipment that will not only make me a six pack stud in just 20 minutes a day, but it will also give me a tan if you compare the before and after pictures. I guess I just feel so awesome with my hot bod that I often go tanning now or hang out at the beach.

I think my goal for weight loss would be to fit into the clothes that I have rather than lose so many inches that I have to buy a whole new wardrobe.

Jessica Simpson doesn't have acne anymore and it's all because of Proactiv.

What about the bearded, long haired hippy guy from Christian Children's Fund. He's creepy. And he's always hanging out with cousins of mine. Call the number for a picture of my family from the Philippines.

I need to stop drinking...

2009-04-14T00:17:00.003-07:00

You never know who is going to take advantage...

Sometimes it makes me want to devour large pork rinds...

At least I don't try to drink beer mixed with "winchester" sauce...

Fortunately, I have a designated driver, but she won't run people over...

Frosted Flakes

2009-04-01T08:52:00.002-08:00

Remember when cereal was part of a complete breakfast? You know, they would say that really quick at the end of the cereal commercial and on the side of box it would show the bowl of cereal sitting on a place mat with some toast and orange juice, maybe a banana or some sort of fruit. Whatever happened to that? Did they realize that all that was not a complete breakfast? Did anyone ever actually eat cereal with that other stuff? I know I didn't.

I ate Frosted Flakes for breakfast this morning. Good stuff. Me and Tony the Tiger... we're tight. Back in the war that was little sister versus big brother, I forbid my little sister from eating Frosted Flakes. It was MY cereal. If she ate it I would have to smack her kind of like I did when she crossed my line in the back seat of the car.

Coming Home from the Bar

2009-03-28T09:10:00.002-08:00

What happened in my head: I took my shoes off at the door. I took my sweater off and neatly folded it on the table. I put my wallet on the counter. I went to my room, took off my clothes and put them in the hamper. I brushed my teeth and went to bed.

What really happened: There are clothes and shoes all over the house. Who knows where my wallet is? My mouth tastes like Jack-in-the-Box. And I'm on the couch.

Thoughts from My Drive to Work

2009-03-24T09:24:00.002-08:00

"What the crap is this guying doing on my side of the road?" There was this random car parked in my lane, facing me. What's the matter buddy? Too good for the shoulder? What was this guy thinking? I thought maybe he was waiting for someone to come around the bend to play chicken with (cars tend to do that with me on this road), but no, he's just chillin. Maybe he was English and thought it was a proper place to stop.

"Why don't cars have rear windshield wipers?" I've seen cars with headlight windshield wipers. But I haven't seen any cars with rear windshield wipers. I guess when I had a car I never drove around in mud and got the back window all muddy, but it could happen.

"Where did all this snow come from?" All the snow had melted at my house, but when I got into town yesterday there was a good few inches of snow everywhere. I love global warming. By the way, when was the last time you heard anyone talk about global warming? Last summer? When it was hot?

That's just Brian being Brian

2009-03-12T08:11:00.002-08:00

Life has been difficult for me since I gave all that money to Bernie Madoff.

This weekend I'm playing in my first stroke play tournament since my knee surgery. Wish me luck. My number one ranking is on the line. Yeah right, like I don't finish in the top ten every time... even with a bum knee.

I never used my mouth guard when I played basketball in high school. They gave us all one, but I threw it into the stands 27 seconds into the first game of the season and never found it.

I'm still retired from football. I'm not going back to the Jets. ...like I would have wanted to go back to them in the first place. Send me to Minnesota, baby!

I had successful hip surgery this week. More importantly, I have 6-9 weeks to avoid steroids questions. I apologize. It was a very loosey goosey era. I was young and stupid. My cousin "bought it over the counter in the Dominican." By that I mean I obtained it illegally because I knew it was wrong and now I'm trying desperately to cover my tracks.

I Love March Madness

2009-03-10T23:41:00.003-08:00

For those of you holding on to the edge of your seat... Idaho State's post season dreams have been smashed. No Bengals in the tourney this year. Or ever as far as I know...

I'm going to have to root for North Dakota State in the tourney. My cousin goes to school there. So I have ties. Plus, NDSU is making their first tourney appearance, in their first year of eligibility for the tournament. They are having quite a good year.

My favorite tourney memory... I was watching the UK/Duke game when Christian Laettner hit that shot. I was rooting for UK. I went all kinds of crazy when UK went ahead by one with only 2 seconds left. I was jumping all over the room. Then... The Shot. Talk about suck.

The other day I was listening to the Scott Van Pelt show. He was talking about this UK team because they had a nickname but he couldn't remember it. The nickname for the team... The Unforgettables.

Ollie and Me watch TV

2009-03-05T21:34:00.003-08:00

Ollie and I are watching TV tonight.

Ollie likes infomercials. I don't know what button it is, but he always seems to find the button on the remote that goes to the infomercial channel. I really don't want the Dean Martin collection.

Speaking of television advertisements, have you seen the one for the Finishing Touch Lumina? I just saw it. It seems to be some sort of crazy light that removes hair. From your body. A light. A crazy light... I'm not sure about this one.

Chelsea Lately made me laugh tonight. They were having a Jewish dinner where they were eating Hala bread. And Chuy was asking how much does the hala cost?

I love NCAA March Madness. But regular season college basketball sucks. I was watching the Dayton/Xavier game earlier and now I'm watching an NBA game. College players suck. NBA players are just bigger, faster, and better overall.

Iron Chef America rocks. The original Iron Chef... not so much.

Frasier is on Lifetime. Because he's gay.

You know what's funny? When people who have never seen Reno 911 before see it for the first time, but they think it's Cops. Hehe.

Tonight's E! True Hollywood Story is Jenna Jameson. I've never seen her in a movie. I couldn't pick her out of a line up.

Jeopardy comes on in about 10 minutes on GSN. My favorite game show. Ollie is not a fan. I think it's too complicated for him. He's more into Wheel of Fortune. Last week on teacher week it feature a Geo Tracker and Geo Metro as a prize. Hehe.

The Poll the Audience life line is the worst life line ever on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. The only questions you can use it on are the easy questions. On the hard questions, the audience gives each answer 20-something percent. Thanks a lot.

Ever seen the bunny ranch show on HBO? Quite a disappointment for porn starved adolescents. It's like going to Club 91, except you don't have to spend a buck.

I live out in the middle of nowhere, so the weather channel doesn't really help me out when I want to know what's going on outside. By the way, does weather only happen back east? That's the impression that I get from the weather channel. If it wasn't for the local on the 8's, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't stop talking about how it is crazy ice raining/snowing/thunderstorming over some city that's 3000 miles away.

HBO Latino is awesome. They do a great job of finding Hispanic people with voices similar to the actual actor. I'm a black guy so I'm going to speak with a deep Mexican voice, because all black guys have a deep voice. And of course, dubbing is not annoying at all.

Well, Ollie is ready to go outside now. Have a nice night.

The Year that was Brian

2009-01-03T13:01:00.002-08:00

What? Another year gone?

Most Memorable Moment: "It's a plus"

Least Memorable Moment: Anything involving Plumbline Mechanical

Hello: Nevada - Yes, I left Oregon and moved to the craphole that is Elko, Nevada

Goodbye: Bernett - my employer for 4 years.

Favorite Movie: The Batman movie... only because it's the only one I can recall right now. And I saw it in IMAX.

Favorite Song: Anything off of OAR's new album. I listened to that thing over and over and over this summer.

Best New Pet: Ollie... only the greatest dog ever. Unless you ask Kadrie, then he's the stinkiest dog ever.

Best Black Person Ever Elected President: Barack Obama - I love taxes.

Favorite Way to Lose Money: Playing poker in the Red Lion poker room in Elko. What else is there to do in Elko besides drink and gamble?

Happy New Year

2009-01-03T12:36:00.003-08:00

I'm not really into Christmas/New Year's. I don't like giving out presents and to me the first of January is just another day in the life of Brian.

My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. I love getting together with family/friends, eating turkey, and watching football. No obligations such as gift giving involved, just an opportunity to be thankful that we are together. Okay, okay, I'm more all about the food and football. But until I'm rich, I'm not into the commercialism of the Christmas season.

4th of July is my second favorite holiday. This one involves barbecue and beer. Oh yeah, and there may be some fire works involved. Depends on how much beer is consumed.

My next favorite holiday is Super Bowl Sunday. So it's not officially a holiday, but come on, who doesn't have a huge party and get together to watch the game? and the commercials? Fun times. And the Monday after the Super Bowl should be a federal holiday. I mean, it would save a lot people the trouble of having to call in sick because of a Super Bowl hangover.

So there you have it. My three favorite holidays. Obviously my life revolves around food, drinking, and football. But that's a good life...

Drill Baby Drill

2008-10-02T23:01:00.002-07:00

What's wrong with drilling for oil in Alaska? We're going to ruin the beautiful natural scenery? Which part? The white snowy stuff or the white icy stuff? Drill me some oil. My SUV hasn't polluted the environment enough yet.

I think I live in the wrong state.

By the way, anybody going to vote next month? By mail? Yes, I'm still bitter.

Don't Drink and Walk

2008-09-30T10:07:00.002-07:00

An NFL running back was charged with Pedestrian Under the Influence. Are you kidding? That's a charge? Is he going to get his walker's license suspended? Might as well just drive home.

WWBFD?

2008-09-22T11:20:00.002-07:00

How many times are we going to hear Brett Favre's name during a Packers game this year?

One thing I don't like about living on the west coast is that football games start at 10am. I usually miss the beginnings of games because I'm still in bed.

One thing I like about living on the west coast is that I can get drunk and pass out during a Bengals game (and believe me, it's been quite necessary this season) and then I can wake up later in the day and there's still time to do stuff. Like go to the library or the grocery store or the movies or watch the Packers while the analysts compare him to Brett Favre.

Woman President?

2008-08-29T10:19:00.002-07:00

Who is Sarah Palin? If John McCain wins the election, she will be our first woman president. I say this because the aged McCain is what... like 99 years old? Would he live though his first term as president?

So do Republicans think that by putting a woman on the ticket they can snag all those Clinton voters? It was obvious McCain needed a young counterpart, but why someone so inexperienced?

I think Biden helps Obama, but Palin might hurt McCain.

Hi, I'm Ollie's Owner

2008-08-29T10:06:00.002-07:00

Ollie is very sociable and cute. That combination has enabled us to meet a lot of our neighbors. However, I don't know anyone's name. I only know the names of their dogs. We make small talk and what not, perhaps they once told me their name. But I only remember the names of dogs: Max, Boone, Odie, etc.... Is that bad?

Science is a Religion and Scientists are its Prophets

2008-08-29T09:54:00.003-07:00

Can a scientist prove a theory? No. You just have to have faith.

Science books are like Bibles. And all scientists are fundamentalists when it comes to interpreting their books.

Religion is more fun, at least its followers have flare.

Oh My....

2008-08-25T08:26:00.001-07:00

Science Fair

2008-08-22T10:23:00.002-07:00

I used to hate doing science projects when I was in school. I could never think of a good experiment. I should have thought of some of these.

Flatulence is Funny

2008-08-22T09:21:00.002-07:00

Have you seen Tropic Thunder? This is probably the funniest movie I've seen all year.

Jack Black's character in this movie is an actor that has made his name with fart jokes. The trailer for his movie is just a ridiculous take on The Klumps. And I was thinking to myself, "Self, that's just dumb, init?" But then the other night I was watching a movie and one of the funniest parts involved flatulence. Hehehe. I love farts.

I'm a nerd

2008-08-20T10:38:00.003-07:00

This is entertaining:

Recent Annoying Items

2008-08-13T11:17:00.003-07:00

The Michael Phelps medal count

The terms "Jet Favre" and "New York Bretts"

The "controversy" surrounding the Spanish basketball team

The Redeem Team

Paris Hilton

Synchronized Diving (really? there wasn't anything else NBC could have put in prime time?)

The general non-relationship between oil and gas prices (as in why doesn't gas drop as much as oil? half of it is made with corn and french fry grease these days)

Chupacabras running around in Texas

The fact that my powerball numbers haven't hit yet

Pro

2008-08-04T03:35:00.002-07:00

I skipped work on Friday to drive my newly washed car around in the rain...

I went to the casino for a poker tournament. It was "real money" tournament where you start with tournament chips and the last ten play with real money chips. I made it to the final table (barely) and won me some money. We all just chopped the pot and didn't play a hand. Ah yeah... World Series here I come.

Of course...

2008-08-04T03:34:00.002-07:00

I had my car washed for the first time on Thursday...

It rained on Friday.

Stop and Smell the Fire Hydrants

2008-07-31T10:24:00.005-07:00

I read somewhere that if your dog is fat, it means you are not getting enough exercise. Well, Ollie just went to the vet. And the vet says Ollie is fat. It could be that some of his weekend habits are catching up to him....

So, we have formulated a plan of action. We are going to do a walk/run/jog/stop-and-smell-stuff-on-the-ground-every-few-feet three days a week. Our path takes us around the country club and takes about an hour to complete. Who knows how long that is in distance, but at the end one of us is huffing and puffing while the other is trying to lick every water puddle we come across. What? I get thirsty.

I heart Mandy

2008-07-31T09:17:00.001-07:00

I wish I could come over for chicken wings, but I can't. Maybe next year?

When in Rome...

2008-07-25T01:31:00.003-07:00

My boss uses the expression "see the forest from the trees" or something like that. I don't know. I've never heard it before. He tried to explain it to me, but I just wasn't getting it. Then I heard it on the radio the other day. So apparently, it's not something that he just made up. There's a tree in the forest, it's falling, does it make a sound? Can you see the tree? Can you see the forest. So I feel like Ron Burgundy. He says something about productivity and I say, like seeing the forest from the trees. He says no.

Hot Dice!

2008-07-25T00:29:00.002-07:00

In order to satisfy the gambling habit I went to the casino twice this week (so far). I can't say that these adventures have resulted in my being able to move on up to the east side, but they have been somewhat profitable. All thanks to the greatest casino game ever: craps! Craps is hands down the funnest game in the casino. You get to roll dice. People scream and yell. You can bet on just about anything. Pretty darn exciting. On Tuesday I was hot. I was betting the line and throwing nothing but the sweetness. The boss guy had to examine the dice. I must say though, it was the first time I've walked away from the craps table with a decent amount of money. You always see those guys on TV winning a crap-load of money and surrounded by beautiful people. Can't say that happens at the $5 craps table. But it's still the best game around.

Beef... or something

2008-07-12T08:50:00.003-07:00

Does anyone else see the decimal point in front of the 100%. That would make it not exactly 100%, wouldn't it?

Rockin with Celine Dion!

2008-06-24T09:58:00.001-07:00

Oh yeah

Anybody watching football?

2008-06-21T01:17:00.002-07:00

You know... that game with the round ball? Some people call it soccer. Yeah, normal people.

Ollie and I have been watching Euro 2008. It comes on after the show that used to be Cold Pizza.... First Take or something like that.

We're trying to be all worldly and what not. All the cool non-Americans watch football. Right?

Our favorite team is Turkey (of course). They have made it to the semi-finals and it seems to be in dramatic fashion every time they win.

Last time we paid any attention to Turkey was World Cup 2002 when they came in third. Here's to them going all the way in UEFA. They're up against Germany next.

My Kind of Town

2008-06-20T10:23:00.002-07:00

So last night I went to Portland and it got me thinking that I miss city living. Well, I can't say that I've actually lived in a city, but I've lived in suburbs where I could go to the city without such a long drive.

For the last 8 years or so I've been living in small towns, Pocatello, Albany, Corvallis. I think that I've gotten used to the slow pace, limited choices of food and entertainment, the lack of people, and the general lameness. Last night I was excited to be able to walk around the city. I like the buildings, the trains, the people walking all over. Good times.

The best part is the choices of cuisine. Portland has my favorite chicken wing restaurant, Buffalo Wild Wings, and a wealth of other restaurants just pick an ethnicity, fast food or sit down, Chicago or New York pizza, upscale or questionable. I heart food.

My Dog

2008-06-20T09:47:00.002-07:00

You know how yawns are contagious? If a dog yawns, does it make other dogs yawn? Whenever Ollie yawns it makes me yawn. I just yawned three times writing this.

Is it really necessary for dogs to eat everything? Does poop really taste that good? Various electrical cords and speaker wire? I need to take Ollie to a hypnotist to overcome his oral fixation.

The other day I was sitting at my computer and Ollie was sitting on the other side of the room staring at me. I keep doing whatever I was doing and look over again. And he's still sitting on the floor, but he moved a few feet closer. And it goes on like this until he's right next to me. Still sitting and staring. It was creepy. Like one of those movies where the killer doll just keeps getting closer.

Now that I have a dog I watch Animal Planet a lot more. Ollie definitely digs Animal Police. Right now some fat ugly lady is saying that the green crusty water is good water for her dogs to drink. She's going to have her dogs taken away. Sucka!

My dog keeps me warm at night. He likes to snuggle up and is warmer than an electric blanket. The other day he was sleeping on a rug and when he got up, I stepped on it and it felt like it just came out of the dryer.

O.A.R.

2008-06-20T09:43:00.002-07:00

In case you didn't get the unintelligible phone call or voice mail from me last night, I was in Portland checking out my favorite band. Good times.

Sleepy Time

2008-06-10T23:16:00.000-07:00

What was I thinking?

2008-05-15T10:52:00.003-07:00

Yeah, I got another dog. I'm committed to this one though. He's non refundable.

If I ever see Jared Allen around town again, I want to buy him a drink.

I like to spend my weekends sitting on the back deck... with my dog... drinking beer... wearing a wife beater... yelling at passersby... I am the pinnacle of class.

It's supposed to be 90 degrees out today. Does that mean it's summer now? More beer drinking shall ensue.

I weighed myself at the mall the other day... with one of those machines that also tells you your horoscope and lucky numbers. My weight is definitely not a lucky number.

They have those massage chairs at the mall. You know, the ones where you have to put a dollar in and you get something like 5 minutes? If you want a massage that bad, why don't you just walk down to the department store selling the shiatsu thing that you can try out for free and as long as you want?

The goal for last weekend was to unpack what has now been referred to has the "box room" since I've moved into this apartment. Two pizzas and numerous beers later, the box room is still the box room. Maybe this weekend...

The pizza place I went to had $1.50 bottles of beer. And a bar. New favorite bar? Good pizza and cheap beer? I think so.

One thing about having a little puppy, he's a people magnet. I met more neighbors on our morning bathroom walk this morning than I have the entire two months I've lived here. Still haven't met the neighbors with the empty cases of beer on their back porch or the couple with the big barbecue grill. That was my real intent when getting a dog.

My Powerball retirement plan has not been working out. So now I have to get ready to go to work. Adios.

Meet Ollie

2008-05-15T10:03:00.001-07:00

We Hang

He really wants to meet Mandy and will come with me on Memorial Day weekend.

hey yo

2008-05-06T10:05:00.002-07:00

These girls were begging to be on my blog...

Wow, Mandy, you were really tan and this was pre-Mexico.

What's happening in the world of Brian

2008-04-17T23:25:00.002-07:00

I just moved into a new apartment in Corvallis. Finally got the internet to work today. I believe I have an internet addiction. I was shaking from the withdrawals. I yelled at my friendly Comcast customer representative for her inability to fix the no internet problem.

Moving sucks. If you have the opportunity to avoid it, I do recommend keeping away. It was so much easier when I was younger and my dad was in the military because then someone would move everything for us. This moving it yourself crap is overrated.

My job sucks. I've been working late hours everyday this week. Blah. Tomorrow is Friday! I can rest. Can I get a woo hoo! I need a new job. Anyone?

The shower head in my new apartment is about shoulder level for me. Yeah. I don't appreciate that. Why do they make them so short? Not cool. And I don't think the hot water lasts as long here as it did in my former domicile. My entire shower experience is ruined for the next year or so of my life.

One good thing is that I now have full size kitchen appliances. In my last apartment it was like cooking with an Easy Bake oven.

K I'm tired now. See you this weekend. Maybe...

A Leprechaun

2008-04-12T14:26:00.001-07:00

Blah!

2008-03-28T10:17:00.002-08:00

I'm not a professional blogger. And often times I blog drunk. So, it is quite common to see various grammatical errors or mispellings on my blog (ha! get it? mispellings!?!). But when I see these types of errors on a site like Yahoo! or various news sites that I read, I get pissed off. These people get paid to write like crap? Someone pay me. I can write like crap. I'm smarter than a 5th grader.

Speaking of which (like that segue?), did you see how the really smart guy got the $2000 question wrong, but then was able to answer the million dollar question that they asked him just to see if he could? I don't watch this show, but I saw a clip on Yahoo about it. Hehe, sucka!

Girl, You Know What I Want to Do

2008-03-27T09:31:00.000-08:00

Yaddadamean?

Don't worry Mandy, I am now properly trained!

2008-03-16T11:40:00.003-08:00

Here I Am

2008-03-12T10:57:00.002-08:00

Why do people think I'm getting married? I got all these texts asking me when I was getting married or chastising me for not telling anyone. I suppose it's better than that time everyone texted me supporting my decision to come out of the closet, but still, there's some misinformation going on around here. I'm not married, nor are there any weddings planned. (And I'm not gay, in case you missed that announcement.)

I Heart The Beatles

2008-02-22T01:36:00.001-08:00

If you haven't seen Across the Universe, you should see it. It's a musical featuring Beatles songs. Good stuff.

Blockbusters

2008-02-21T22:47:00.002-08:00

I don't really follow the NBA much, but you can't avoid hearing about all the crazy trades going on right now. I just heard about Cleveland getting Big Ben Wallace and some other players. I love Wallyworld, by the way.

But Shaq is on the Suns. And Kidd went to the Mavericks. And Gasol to the Lakers.

I might have to watch some basketball.

My Bar

2008-02-18T22:07:00.002-08:00

Brian's Chillax Drinkatorium.

I really think the name says it all. It's great. Wouldn't you want to chillax there with an ice cold beverage?

I'm sorry...

2008-02-07T11:04:00.001-08:00

I didn't mean it. You don't really smell. Well... you do, but that was rude of me to point out to everybody.

Where's Brian?

2008-01-30T23:44:00.000-08:00

Here I am.

You smell.

You say potato...

2008-01-14T22:07:00.000-08:00

You know how they have lunchables? They should have baked potato lunchables. It would be a potato that comes with all the fixings: some butter, sour cream, cheese, bacon bits, chili, etc. And you carry it to work or school with you like a lunchable. Then at work, you can just pop your potato in the microwave, then garnish it with the perfect amount of each of the different toppings. Yeah, that's the ticket. Potato Lunchables. Potatobles. Who wants in on the ground floor?

And we have reception....

2008-01-06T14:56:00.000-08:00

Last night I stumbled home after football and I got in bed at about 9pm. That was nice. This is a pro-Seattle area, so we had to celebrate the victory over the Skins. I barely made it through the second game. I'm glad I caught it though, because it's always great to see the Steelers lose. Especially at home in the playoffs.

I fell out of bed this morning at about 11 o'clock. So today's first game had already started. I definitely wasn't going back to the bar. I turned on my tv to see if anything as changed in terms of me getting reception. I flipped through the channels and actually found the game on channel 65. It was black and white, snowy as hell, and there was no audio apart from the static, but that was progress. I've never gotten a picture on my tv before. Then I go digging through some boxes and I find this almost an antenna type thing and plug it into my tv. Suddenly I had color, less snow, and some actual audio. I am finally able to watch football on my own TV! Yay!

Would have been nice to know 17 weeks ago.

Wild Card Weekend

2008-01-05T12:29:00.000-08:00

It all starts in about an hour in Seattle. Why is the west coast venue playing the early game?

Seattle is a 3.5 favorite over the Skins. This opened at 4.5, so there is a lot of people placing bets on the Skins. They're the hot team. But come on. Against Seattle at home? With Todd Collins as the QB? On the other hand, here's Seattle's game plan: Don't give it to Shawn Alexander. If only I could be in Poky to watch Gregg watch the game.

Jacksonville is a favorite on the road against the Steelers. Could be because they won in Pittsburgh not more than 3 weeks ago. I have to root for the Jags, if only because they're playing against the Steelers.

Tomorrow the Giants are the underdog against Tampa Bay. Where did the Bucs come from? This is a team under the radar. The Giants showed last week they can't hold onto the lead in a big game. But they have a QB named Manning. I can't name anyone on the Bucs.

San Diego is a 10 point favorite against the Titans. I would bet on the Titans just because I think a spread shouldn't be that wide in a playoff game. But that is actually up from the open, so most people are expecting a Charger blow out. I like Vince Young though. He's a gamer.

And I can't write a football post without mentioning Monday's championship game. The LSU Tigers are 4 point favorites over THE Ohio State University Buckeyes. Everyone already knows who I'm rooting for in this one. Everyone keeps talking about how the Bucks are overmatched and that LSU will probably dominate. And the SEC is the premier college football conference. Yeah, that's why Michigan beat the Gators this week.

K, well, I'm off to the bar for some football.

My New Year's Resolutions

2008-01-05T12:12:00.001-08:00

Yeni Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun

I heard on the news yesterday that the majority of Americans give up on their resolutions by January 8th. That means 3 more days of not smoking, not drinking, exercising, eating healthy, etc....

My resolutions have been dead since day 1. Here they are:

Exercise - Yeah, I've done this one before sans results, but I'll try it again. Wait, wait, wait.... let me think about it. I'll start this one tomorrow. Or maybe the next day. I'm too tired to do any exercise today. Dang it.

Eat out/drink less - Wild card weekend is not a good time to start on this one. I have to put this one on hold too, at least until after the Super Bowl. Anybody for some Brianchacas at Wilhelm's today?

Keep the Apartment Organized - I cleaned up my apartment before I left on my vacation. And so far, it's still almost clean. I haven't unpacked my suitcase yet, but I figure that will come naturally as I feel the need to wear those clothes.

Yeah... that's about it. I don't want to set myself up for too much failure.

Mansinthe

2008-01-05T11:37:00.000-08:00

So, Marilyn Manson has his own brand of absinthe. If I was a crazy rock star, I too would also produce my own line of alcoholic beverages... like Brianchaca or something. Anybody for a Bombrianrinho?

Anyway, the best part of absinthe is the presentation. Some of you may already know that I'm a pyromaniac, so obviously I'm down anytime I can combine two of my favoritest things ever: drinking and fire. But it's yucky. Kind of like raki. Ya'll remember raki? Blah!

The Year that was Brian

2008-01-04T01:34:00.000-08:00

My New Year tradition...

Most Memorable Moment: The whole year was just a big blur. I guess the thing I will probably remember the most was my brother's Vegas wedding. My brother got married... do you believe that? It was fun getting together in Vegas with family and friends.

Least Memorable Moment: I had a dog for a while. She whined a lot. Remind me to stay away from pets. I'm not what you would call a natural nurturer.

Hello: Oregon!! I moved to Oregon in March.

Goodbye: Idaho :( I lived in Idaho for 7 years. That was the longest I lived in one place. I miss all you guys.

Favorite Movie: Transformers. They brought my favorite childhood cartoon and toys to life in what was an unexpectedly great movie.

Favorite Song: Umbrella by Rihanna. Once I get started, I can't get it out of my head. Ella, ella, ella....

Best Concert: I went to O.A.R. twice this year. Once in Eugene and then a week later in Portland. During the former I was standing front row and not crazy hungover. I almost didn't make it to the second show because I thought I was going to die that day of alcohol poisoning.

Best New Purchase: My sweet new bed edges out my new car because it's more sleek and comfortable. It's a pillow top.

How I spent my Christmas vacation....

2008-01-04T01:27:00.000-08:00

I made a resolution last New Year's to take a vacation. One that lasted at least a week. Well, it took all year, but I finally did it. I was able to get away from work for a good week and a half. I felt refreshed today. It was good. Remind me to do this more often.

Click here to check out all the pics.

Hanging Around

2007-12-26T22:58:00.000-08:00

Here's me and my sister hanging out around Fisherman's Wharf in SF. You can kind of see Alcatraz behind us... I think.

Here's the boy checking out the dragon at the gates of Chinatown.

Here's the guys hanging out yesterday. My brother and I got the same shirts from Nancy (check out my shirt in first pic).

Uh oh...

2007-12-24T22:00:00.000-08:00

Uncle Billy just lost the deposit for the Savings and Loan!!!

Who's Umbrella?

2007-12-24T21:53:00.000-08:00

So the other day at the airport I was waiting for my plane in the terminal. One of the ladies that worked there was walking around cleaning up. There was a teenage couple sitting next to me and an umbrella in a seat across from them. The lady walked by and asked if the umbrella belonged to someone. The teenage guy said yes. Then after the lady walked away, the girlfriend asked him why he said that. He says, "Well she asked if it was someone's umbrella. It is someone's umbrella."

It's officially Christmas...

2007-12-24T21:33:00.000-08:00

because at this moment I am watching "It's a Wonderful Life." This movie is classic and it wouldn't be Christmas without it. Merry Christmas Bedford Falls!!!

California Here I Come

2007-12-23T16:12:00.000-08:00

Well, right now I'm at the Portland Airport, waiting for my flight to Seattle. This really is not a busy flying day. There was no line at the counter or at the security check point. I'm not used to this sort of thing. I guess that's why tickets were close to $200 cheaper over yesterday. Plus, I'm taking a late flight.

Note to self: I'm parked in the Blue Economy U lot. There's like a million cars in the parking lot. I probably could have parked at the IKEA store as far out as I was. If I knew that it wasn't going to be so busy here, I probably would have stopped there for some Swedish Meatballs.

I'll be arriving in Sacramento just before 10pm. Nancy, you better be the pick me up.

I still can't get this song out of my head...

2007-12-20T22:40:00.000-08:00

To you, you know who you are....

2007-12-20T10:46:00.000-08:00

I'm lumping all my messages in one.

If you keep talking about your ex-boyfriend over and over again. No matter how much you keep saying you are, you're not over him.

I'll be in Cali next week. I know where Arden Fair is, but that's it. Otherwise, come pick me up.

Yes, I am excited about visiting you and I'm ready to be drunk every night.

You should just leave your boyfriend. You're moving away in March anyway. Have some fun. And when I say Brad, I really mean me. Margaritas this Friday?

No, you're crazy.

I'm really not getting anything for mom. She's impossible to shop for.

I'm glad I won't be back until the 2nd. Have fun without me, suckas.

Sorry I haven't written, but answer your phone when I call you.

Did you slap that ballerina in the ass yet?

Yes, having a party in a barn is weird. And no, I'm not going. Well, is there free booze? Then maybe. No promises.

Yeah, I probably will forget to call you on New Year's. And no, I'm not really bringing you any B-dubs sauce.

I know we don't know each other, but let's hang out sometime. Somewhere. Throw a dart at the map and let's meet there this summer. It'll be fun. Something different at least. Then you can write all about it in your blog and tell everyone how cool I am.

Yes, my door is locked and will be locked the whole time I'm gone.

I'll eat that cake you made if you bring some plastic utensils. That video was just a joke. I don't really eat cake like that all the time.

Tell me next time you're working. I need a Perfect. Have fun in Utah.

See ya at work.

Oh oh oh oh oh ohhhh....

2007-12-20T10:15:00.000-08:00

You don't have to go oh oh oh oh... You don't have to go oh oh oh oh...

I was singing this song at work last night. Well, just this part above because I really don't know any of the words to it. Someone else at work said he hates that song. So I said, there's nothing wrong with a little Led Zeppelin now and then. Then this other girl gasped and said that's not Led Zeppelin, it's Sean Kingston. I said if that was Sean Kingston, he P-Diddied a Led Zeppelin song.

I am the company movie and music trivia champion. How dare they doubt me! I was the only one who correctly named Cutting Crew as the band that did "I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight" in the Great Office Music Showdown. I who wasted 6 years of my life in Idaho drinking at the same karaoke bar every night. And now this girl who probably wasn't even born before P-Diddy sampled his first song is trying to step to me?

So we looked up this "Sean Kingston song" on Wikipedia. Bam! Second sentence in the entry solved the argument. Led Zeppelin, bitches! Led Zeppelin!

Funny

2007-12-19T11:07:00.000-08:00

It's the Lenward of the NFL.

Pic of the Day

2007-12-16T23:43:00.000-08:00

I've been bumming all day. Just sitting in my yellow chair. With my hood on. Not doing much of anything. I would've just stayed in bed all day, but I can only lie down for so long.

I kind of have a crazy eye going on.

And yes, I still wear my Ohio State 2007 BCS National Championship hoodie. Even though they lost. Got crushed in fact. Drove me to drink more. But hey, they beat Michigan.

They're Man Pecs

2007-12-16T23:23:00.000-08:00

The other night at the bar, this girl was feeling on my chest. She called them pecs. I'm hoping that means this whole man boob crisis is subsiding. Though, I did eat dinner twice today. One was Chinese and one was roast beef all kinds of smothered in think lumpy gravy. Perhaps the man boobs will be back next week.

As for the girl who was feeling me up, I'm not quite sure where I know her from. I suspect it's from the bar, but I don't recall ever talking to her. At least, not enough that she would be comfortable enough to greet me by rubbing on my man pecs. I definitely wasn't going to greet her in the same fashion. But it's been bothering me all day trying to remember who she was. And I feel kind of bad about it all.

Ehh. If I see her again I'll have to give her the nipple squeeze and see where that gets me.

This looks like one of those dumb funny movies

2007-12-15T13:50:00.001-08:00

Hungover

2007-12-15T12:51:00.000-08:00

I went out last night and got good and drunk for the first time in a while. That was fun. But now I'm crazy hungover. And I can't find my car keys. No one better have taken my car keys last night. I didn't even drive to the bar. I have a trail of clothes leading from the door to my bed, perhaps they're in that mess somewhere.

I was drinking with some radiology students. By the way, thanks Bef for answering my random phone call last night. I was trying to figure out what the longest bone in the hand was called before everyone else and Bef was my phone a friend. Apparently though she is not a radiology student anymore. It was some sort of carpus or metacarpus, I don't recall. It's definitely not a tarsus or Ford Taurus.

And on a side note, I was hanging out with Heather. Who's from Utah. Funny, eh?

TV

2007-12-14T01:54:00.000-08:00

This looks kind of familiar.

Shopping

2007-12-14T01:19:00.000-08:00

Can't find the perfect Christmas present?

Anybody been out to the mall lately? Craziness. I live across the street from Albany's major shopping center. I haven't noticed much as far as an increase in mall traffic. That's a good thing. I was expecting a lot worse. When I lived in Ohio, our house was near the mall and that traffic was bedlam. There weren't enough parking spots at the mall. I worked at JC Penney and I might as well have walked to work as far out as I had to park.

I prefer to shop online for Christmas stuff. That's what I've done the past couple of years. It just seems a lot easier. Plus you can find anything you want. And you can avoid all the crazy people.

That's what Christmas is all about, right? Spending money? And avoiding people?

Cheap Tickets

2007-12-12T01:57:00.000-08:00

I was just looking at cheaptickets.com and I accidentally put in that I wanted a flight from Salem, OR to Portland, OR. These two cities are less than hour away. I drove to Portland this weekend through Salem. But what if I was in a hurry and wanted to fly instead of drive? Well, for the low, low price of $475, I can get a flight leaving Salem on Friday at about 1pm and I will land in Portland at 6:45am Saturday morning. So for 15 times the price of a tank of gas, I can get to Portland in about 18 hours via Salt Lake City, Utah and Boise, Idaho. Sweet!

Circle Circle Dot Dot

2007-12-10T22:35:00.000-08:00

I thought this was funny. Reminds me of my Tendoy days.

Note to Self:

2007-12-10T11:19:00.000-08:00

Do not be around if Andy is offered a night with Jessica Biel and lesbian friend. He will kill without remorse.

The IKEA Store is the DisneyWorld of home furnishings.

I heart chicken wings.

I have to poop.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake

2007-12-06T00:11:00.001-08:00

Let the battle begin

2007-12-05T11:09:00.000-08:00

According to Wikipedia (which only tells the truth), Oregon is a battleground state for the upcoming 2008 presidential election. I have finally escaped the anchor of Republicaness that is Idaho. So, yes, my vote may finally count for something. That is, if I get it in the mail on time with a 41 cent stamp. Or come November next year stamps may cost 59 and a half cents. Whatever, The Man doesn't want poor folks to vote.

Today I heard about Chuck Norris' endorsement of Mike Huckabee. Now, to avoid a swift and deadly roundhouse kick to the face, I felt I had better check out this candidate to see what he's all about. Perusing over his website... He's a Republican governor from Arkansas, blah, blah, blah, he is in favor of the Fair Tax, blah, blah, blah, Right to life, blah, blah, blah... Nothing really stands out. In speaking about education he says, "Test scores rose dramatically when I was Governor of Arkansas because of my education reforms." Did his reforms include making the tests easier so that he could say this during his future presidential campaign? Standardized tests are BS.

So, as of yet I cannot give any presidential candidates my endorsement. May God protect me from the fists of Chuck Norris.

I heart Yahoo

2007-12-04T10:06:00.000-08:00

I get all my news through Yahoo. Mostly I read through all the sports stuff while I eat my Apple Jacks in the morning, but it's a slow sports week.

One of the featured entertainment stories today is about paparazzi taking pictures of Jennifer Love Hewitt being fat in a bikini. The pictures are of her being not fat in a bikini. And it reminded me that I have a huge crush on Jennifer Love Hewitt. And I'm glad I'm not a celebrity because then I would be hounded about my fatness. Not unlike my friend Marigold.

I actually spent more time looking at the pictures of the 500 year old map of the Americas that is going on display at the Library of Congress. What can I say? I'm a history guy. This article was interesting to me.

And then there was this article about the size and price of flat screen tv's. I'm telling you, Gregg, one more year and I'm going to buy a 50 inch flat screen for $200. They'll be measuring tv's by feet instead of inches and be toting their Super Duper Digital 1080-Magnum PI Higher Than High Definition TV's.

And apparently, there is going to be a Terminator 4.

I also discovered I could get a picture of the pope on my cellphone to watch over me. I'm Catholic, but there are some that really crack me up with their shenanigans.

Helvetica

2007-12-04T00:36:00.001-08:00

I hate documentaries. They are not very interesting, but I can't stop watching them. Now I'm watching a documentary about Helvetica. You know what Helvetica is? It's a type of type. Check your fonts when you are typing up a paper in Microsoft Word. It's Helvetica, the most used font in the world. And I can't stop watching this stupid documentary about it. Ack!

Ok, ok, I'm looking around for my Swingers DVD. The font on the back of it is probably Helvetica.

Man, it's crazy raining out here

2007-12-03T23:47:00.000-08:00

I made this comment to myself today when I was out getting the mail. Yes, I like to talk to myself when I'm out getting the mail. But it was crazy raining like when Spiderman kissed Mary Jane.

Now I'm watching a documentary about breasts. What can I say? I like boobies. It was in the top 10 on the Netflix watch instantly list.

I was watching the Office earlier. I really can't get into that show. I tried watching the American one and the British one, but they both sucked. A bunch of people I work with really love this show. I don't get it.

Now the movie Office Space, that's a different story. We like to quote that movie at work all the time. I love that movie. I get it.

I was thinking I should watch my favorite movie Swingers. Yeah. That's what I'm going to watch now. Enough boobs for me.

The best part in Swingers is when he sees Heather Graham and she turns into the bunny. Hehehehhehe. You got these big claws man, but you don't know how to kill the bunny.

Alfie

2007-12-02T21:17:00.000-08:00

Wow. How bout that BCS, eh? Ohio State versus LSU. Let the debating begin.

And I almost gave up on Hawaii when they went down 21-0 in the first quarter.

I saw this video and thought it was very Andy-like.

Big Football Day

2007-12-01T11:59:00.000-08:00

So, all you college football fans out there are going to be watching Oklahoma versus Missouri tonight. Ohio State fans definitely are. Mizzou is the number one team in the country, but lost to the Sooners earlier this year and come into the game as the 3 point underdog. The Tigers have a decent quarterback. Oklahoma is Oklahoma. Should be fun.

West Virginia is playing Pitt in the Backyard Brawl. The Mountaineers are heavily favored in this one. But you know Ohio State fans are going to keep an eye on this one too.

I'm kind of curious who would go to the BCS game if both Mizzou and WVU lose today. Ohio State would be a shoe in. But Georgia as their opponent? Georgia isn't even playing in today's SEC championship.

What's that I hear? Playoff! Playoff! Playoff!

Around here, the big game is the Civil War. I bet there are Duck and Beaver fans driving down I-5 right now with their banners flying on either side of their car, trying to run each other off the road. The Beavers actually have a shot to win this game seeing as how the Ducks don't have a quarterback. Ah, how the mighty have fallen.

The other game to watch is Hawaii versus Washington. Can the Rainbow Warriors finish off there undefeated season to have a chance to be this year's Boise State? Or will they cave to the pressure and lose to a Pac-10 cellar dweller?

Well, I'm off. If you need me I will be drunk somewhere with chicken wing sauce all over my hands and face arguing with Pac-10 lovers about how east coast teams are better and the Pac-10 doesn't get respect because it doesn't deserve any.

My rhythms fly.

2007-11-30T10:10:00.000-08:00

I was trying to think of a sentence that didn't have a vowel in it. That's the best I could do.

Jesus loves you.

First!!!

2007-11-26T22:22:00.001-08:00

Remember what I was saying about people posting "1st" as a comment? This article here is a good example. Why people, why?

Agent 0 is awesome, just so you know. I don't follow any NBA teams. When I was little, I liked the Bulls, because of Michael Jordan (well actually it was because I liked the Cubs and the Bears, so I thought I should like the Bulls too), but they sucked and would always lose to the Pistons. So then I changed my favorite team to the Pistons, but then you know what happened after that.

Anyway, I root for players rather than teams. I like players who have been around for a long time like Shaq, Gary Payton, Kevin Garnett..., but not Kobe or Jason Kidd. But I have a tendency to dislike players when they're younger, but like them when they're older. Like I was rooting against Shaq's Magic team that went to the finals and the Glove's Sonics team that played the Bulls. I was a big John Stockton and Jeff Hornacek fan toward the end of their careers, but not the Mailman. He alone made me root for the Bulls. I like some of the young guys today. Like King James (he's amazing!) and Agent 0.

I do root against teams. I root against the Lakers, any team in the Atlantic division that isn't the Celtics, and the Sacramento Kings. And sometimes the Grizzlies.

I tend to cheer on the underdog. I was all about Golden State in the playoffs and the Cavs in the finals.

Little Miss Sunshine

2007-11-26T22:08:00.000-08:00

I watched this movie the other day. There were some parts that were really funny. Like if I had a runny nose, I would have made snot bubbles. Tee Hee.

If you're not into indie movies, it moves kind of slow and it's just kind of weird. But I stayed interested throughout. I definitely would give it 27 stars out of a possible 33.

And Gregg...

2007-11-25T21:50:00.001-08:00

Thanks for sending me a link to the nastiest thing I think I've ever seen. I appreciate it. I can't close my eyes because then it starts to replay in my head...

I think Kermit said it best:

There are some pretty funny reactions to the video on this site.

The World Revolves Around Me

2007-11-25T21:21:00.001-08:00

Hello! How many times do I have to keep reminding everyone? I'm the most important thing in your life right now. Forget school. Forget work. Forget boyfriends. It's all about me. Some of you out there need to re-tune the Brianness in your life.

I've decided I need a girlfriend. No more of this being "the other guy" or "the friend with benefits." I'm ready to devote some quality time and do stuff like bowling or going out for ice cream.... At least until the New Year.

Right now is convenient relationship time. I've got Christmas parties to go to and gifts to receive. And I need someone to make out with on New Year's eve.

So I am again taking applications for the position of Super Hot Girlfriend. I'm looking to fill the position immediately. Must live in the Albany/Corvallis area and be super hot. Must be at least 21 so that you can come see Supersuckers and Top Heavy Crush with me. Women over 47 must provide sugar mama certification.

I'll be here waiting for you.

Albino!

2007-11-20T00:04:00.000-08:00

I saw this band the other night. Good show.

What happened to play money?

2007-11-19T00:27:00.000-08:00

Until yesterday, I hadn't been to Canada in about 7 or 8 years. Back in those days it was fun to go to Canada and spend money knowing that money being spent was like play money. It wasn't worth as much as real money. So I went to Canada this weekend. Took out a bunch of money from the ATM. Spent it freely, thinking how great it was to be getting such great deals on Canadian crap.

A Canadian dollar is worth more than a US dollar!!!!!!

So I spent money going around to bars in Vancouver like my name was Chris MF Nalley, only to discover today that I really was spending money like my name was Chris MF Nalley. What has this world come to?

On the bright side, I ran into Lex Luthor at El Furniture Warehouse Mexican Restaurant. He seems shorter than a criminal super genius should be.

On my way to Wal-Mart today....

2007-11-16T20:26:00.000-08:00

I was thinking that Sherlock Holmes would probably the best poker player ever. Don't ask me why I was thinking about Sherlock Holmes on my way to Wal-Mart. But it makes sense, right? He was very good at reading people and taking the small clues in their appearance and mannerisms and turning them into facts about them, which of course always turned out to be true. Well, perhaps Moriarty could have defeated him...

Wal-Mart was crazy busy tonight. Obviously it was paycheck Friday for more than a few folks in the town of Lebanon. I was looking at SD cards, because I wanted to buy one, and some lady asked if I was finding everything ok. I said, "Yeah, I think so...." And I kind of prolonged the "oooooo", because I was going to ask her if I could buy one, but by the time I turned to face her she had walked off around the corner. And with the huge line at the 1 Hour Photo register with no worker to help, I just figured she needed to be somewhere else. So I decided just to buy some cereal. And some fried chicken.

And yes, I still believe that Wal-Mart is the evil empire. But how can I resist those low, low prices? Safeway, across the street from my apartment, sells cereal for $5 a box. It's $2-$3 at Wal-Mart.

My mom used to work at Wal-Mart. And sometimes she would take me to work with her. I would stand in electronics playing video games for hours on end. Then I would fill up a cart with a bunch of crap like fishing hats and baseball cards and she would buy it for me when she got off of work.

Duck Hunt

2007-11-16T09:50:00.000-08:00

Anybody out there used to play Duck Hunt as a kid? You get far enough along and it gets to the point where you have to shoot all the ducks and they're moving faster than any duck should ever move. The secret to success in this game was moving your gun right up to the screen and shooting the ducks point blank. It's always more fun to cheat. Like playing solitaire with real cards...

Speaking of Ducks going down, the Oregon Ducks, and the Pac 10 for that matter, are out of the BCS championship hunt. The Pac-10 all just killed each other. And they can't recover like the SEC can. You should hear all the whining around here. Especially about how the Ducks (or pretty much insert any Pac-10 team here) could have gone all the way if they hadn't lost their quarterback in that crucial game.

The Ducks loss also cements my title as not the worst college football prognosticator at work. The guy I said was worse than me actually wrote an article in the company newsletter proclaiming the Ducks as the next BCS champion.

So, who's it going to be in the championship game? LSU obviously. And then the winner of the Big 12 championship game. Kansas will play Missouri next week. Then the winner will play Oklahoma. The winner of that game will easily be ranked higher than West Virginia at season's end. But then again, this is the season of upsets...

This weekend's biggest game is Ohio State/Michigan. This game obviously isn't as huge as last year's #1 vs #2 thriller, but the stakes are still high, with the winner (Ohio State, of course) going to the Rose Bowl.

The game that piques my interest is on Nov 23rd when Boise State goes to Hawaii. Hawaii is still undefeated and both are in the top 20 in the BCS standings, so the winner of this game still has an outside chance of making it to a BCS game (they have to crack the top 12 and are currently #16 and #18). And let us all remember that last year's Fiesta Bowl by the Broncos was the greatest game ever.

Buying Gas

2007-11-12T22:06:00.000-08:00

I filled my car's tank after work tonight. It wasn't until I was driving away that I realized that I did not know how much the gas cost, let alone how much I just paid the guy (I use a debit card, not cash). And that's normal for me. But the thought crossed my mind because the kids in the car next to me bought $5 worth of gas, which didn't even get them 2 gallons. I was thinking that was weird because I have always just filled up my tank. You're going to need to buy more gas later anyway, why not just fill it?

I never had a car until I was 18. So I guess I skipped that whole phase of scrounging the change holder for gas money and charging all my buddies for a ride. I remember when I was in middle school that my friends and I used to have to pay my brother something like $2 if we wanted a ride anywhere. (He had a baby blue pinto, by the way, probably the coolest car ever. I think it was voted worst hoopty in his senior yearbook.)

Gas prices are going up. I know that much. What I don't understand is the economics behind the daily fluctuation. It doesn't even really matter to me. I'm not going to stop buying gas. I have to drive everyday. The office where I work is in the middle of nowhere. Even if I could ride a bike, it rains too much to ride it. Fortunately I have a fairly fuel efficient car.

One thing I like about living in Oregon is that I don't have to pump my own gas. I just have to roll down the window and tell the attendant to fill it up. No need to brave the cool, rainy weather. I wonder if they like their job. I watched this movie once where Nick Nolte was a gas attendant/philosopher-type. It actually wasn't half bad.

Movies

2007-11-11T21:32:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I watched Dan in Real Life. It had its funny moments. But it seemed more like an indie film than a wide release comedy. Perhaps it was banking on the star power of Steve Carell. I'd recommend though if you were looking for some lighter fare.

Today I watched You Tell Me. Definitely an indie movie. Some decent dialogue, but kind of slow moving.

The #1 movie in America is Bee Movie. Not my cup of tea. Probably will find kids running around and screaming in the theater if I went to this one.